And to clarify, an Amy Winehouse sort of day means I feel heartbroken for a moment, then remember I'm not; I want to be in love, then remember that I am; I want to get fucked up, then remember I want to be a mom and don't want to hurt myself anymore for fear of jeopardizing that beautiful future, etc. It's a lot of conflicting desires. My partner posed an interesting question that's been echoing in my brain for about 5 days now. He asked me what process I go through in deciding what I want. Not the actual getting of what I want, but the deciding part. I honestly couldn't tell him. I don't know, and I've been racking my brain, analyzing my behavior til my eyes cross trying to figure out why I want what I want when I want it, and I'm stuck. So, I pose the question to you, readers, beyond biological urges like sex and food, how do you decide what you want and when posed with conflicting ideals, how does one trump the other?
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Well, Amanda, I usually let my blood be my direction (hopefully) till my death, as the bard so inspiringly put it (Tr. & Cress. act 2 sc. III). Of course, this often gets me in trouble, and I can't blame it on anyone else, but it also provides a great sense of freedom.
I think I always know what I want. Conflicts only arise when I deny that I want something. It should also be acknowledged that what I want isn't always rational and it is possible for me to painstakingly condition myself into wanting something else. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find, you can convince yourself that you want what you get.
I find that by reducing my options, it becomes overwhelmingly clear what I want when the option I want is taken off the table. This is when I begin to through a tantrum and demand that the option be returned. Rarely is it.
What a question! People don't THINK enough about things like this, or THINK enough in general. Myself included.
I want things that I learned in the past bring me gratification (not physiologically necessarily), like writing something impactful or volunteering my time. I want things that make me feel good and bring peace to my heart. I know what those things are based on what I've done in the past.
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